Every once in a while, life with toddlers smacks you in the face a little bit. Some days are much worse than others...
Today, I felt like we were really doing well. The boys played well, and actually were doing great. After naps & lunch - we headed off to Kroger to get a couple of things for me mainly. (Momma is starting to take melatonin tonight - which is a whole other post)
We hit Sonic Happy Hour, and then came home to finish up our afternoon with some more play time. Everything went so well... we had dinner, and the baths went perfectly. Tonight was a solo parenting night because John had a work dinner...
Anyway, we come downstairs after baths - start their bedtime routine with our Baby Einstein movies and some milk. Tyler finishes off his milk - then like something straight out of the Exorcist - he proceeds to cover himself, me, and the living room in the entire contents of his stomach. If you know Tyler, you know that this kid can pack away the food... so lets just say that it was shocking.
With John gone... I had no one to hold off the toddlers - who think that vomit is better than playing in a swimming pool - figuring out a way to keep them out of it while I get supplies to clean it all up... I started yelling for them to stay away.
I got it cleaned up, all the while yelling for them to stay back... we have some down time - more milk - and then it's time for bed. I put James in his room with his toys while I went to get Tyler to bed... got him down - went in and put James to bed... came out and Tyler was in hysterics... so I spent the better part of an hour and 6 tries to get him in bed... before John got home.
I came straight down and had one of the biggest ugly cries known to Moms in the kitchen. So here is where I level with you. There are days that they just whip me. Days where I don't know if I have it in me to do it again the next day. Days where I feel like the biggest failure. Days where I think that there just isn't enough money to save for their therapy later in life.
Sometimes I wonder what God is thinking. I'm not a good enough mother to have two toddlers at once. I love my boys with every thing that I have... but I feel like I fail them more often than not. Which makes me sad. I want to be everything they need - and often I just don't feel like I am. I struggle to keep up.
Maybe it's the lack of sleep I've had over the last few weeks... I can't tell you for sure, but the harder I try to get life under some sort of control - the more it feels like it spins right out of my grasp. Something is off, I know that - and I'm doing my best to try to figure out what it is... I need a break so that I can feel better while trying to manage this world of toddler crazy.
Hang in there! I raised twin boys.. they can be difficult.. But you ARE doing your best. You are giving it all you got. MOTHERHOOD is NOT easy.. it is taking each step, each day. Both of them boys love their mama.. and I am sure they will not need therapy! Hang in there.. and definitely get some rest!
ReplyDeleteOh girl. I've had so many days like this too...you are doing SO GOOD handling two I cannot imagine. Some days you just need to break down and cry and eat chocolate :) <3 you!
ReplyDeleteI got some melatonin today and will start it tonight. It's a 5 mg pill. What dose are you taking?
ReplyDeleteYou're a great mom. We all have rough moments:-) I used to think I wouldn't make it through the toddler phase. I had two toddlers and a newborn. We made it. It wasn't always pretty though;)
ReplyDeleteHugs! I hope tomorrow Is a great day;)))
I understand that feeling BUT you need to know that God chose YOU to be the mother to those two little boys. He knows every little fault you have, every way you would "fail" them and He still chose YOU.
ReplyDeleteI also think that the better parents are the ones that see where they fall short because no one is a perfect parent. No one. Those that examine themselves and see where they fall short are the ones that are trying.
I hope you feel better after a good night (or two) sleep. But you are a good mama. You are not perfect, but you are a good mama.
Just want to say I FEEL THE Same way. Have two children close together (1year1week) I go through those days as well. At first I was afraid to face the fact that SOMETIMES I need help. Just other day I tried to give them away at the grocery store (not really but maybe :)). I have found that as long as I embrace the moments that I am not SUPERHUMAN I am okay!! Love your story and your blog.
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