Upon hearing the news that I'm expecting baby #2 she immediately asked me why I didn't just come back to work as soon as I found out about the baby.
Just because I'm pregnant now, does that mean that James deserved any less bonding time with his mother? I certainly don't think so. He deserves the best of what I have to give, and for 8 weeks - I was going to give it to him, and continue to do so for the remainder of his life.
Does it also make the adjustment of going from no baby to having a newborn any easier? I certainly think NOT! People told me a billion times that having a baby is hard work - but it's just not something you understand until you are faced with that reality... and honestly... the last 8 1/2 weeks have been the hardest and most exhausting of my life... and there is NO way that I could have functioned at the office any earlier than now. Even now is questionable at times.
I am just dumbfounded by the things that people will say to others sometimes without thinking about what they are saying... and granted - I'll give her that I'm extra sensitive right now because I'm a hot mess of hormones and emotions... but honestly!
Another thing that is making me nuts lately is when people find out that the kids will be 6 months apart - they say something like "Wow, it's like having twins." I know that John and I both give them strange looks because no - it's really nothing like having twins. (And I certainly think that either way is difficult) Think about it... when you have twins - the difficulty is there but you've got two of them going through the same stage at the same time.
When you're done with middle of the night feedings... you're done until you choose to have another kiddo... well, with us it'll be different. We'll have one getting out of that stage just in time for the next one to come along and be starting up in that same stage. Sort of like crawling - we'll just be getting James on his feet and then #2 will be trailing behind quickly. Or any other stage of child development.
So it's actually not like having twins... it's like having two kids 6 months apart! GAH! I totally understand that people don't know what to say, but like at other times I've mentioned that sometimes it's just better to smile and not say anything - this would be one of those times. Just tell me that it's an incredible blessing and move on to hear more about it as things develop.
Ok, end of rant... I'm feeling very vocal today - can't you tell? HAHAHA!
I think people mean well...and in some cases, lack proficient social skills and just blurt out the first thing that comes to mind.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately for you, that means you get to be on the receiving end. I bet one of the things that you never expected was all the unsolicited advice offered by others.
You know what's best for you and your babies and when to, as you said, just smile and move on.
Boy, just think what a respite it is now to go home to James at night! Even with sleepless nights!
People say the dumbest shit. Regardless of their education, experience or otherwise. Strangers are the worst too! Ugh.
ReplyDeleteI'm three weeks away from my due date, and just a few days ago I typed up a post entitled "Words" on my blog. It's a collection of "well-intended" advice (if you can call it that) and input from people over the past few weeks that I've heard regarding pregnancy. And of late, the BEST is that suddenly people feel a need to tell this incredibly tired pregnant lady who's just ready to GIVE BIRTH already, "well, ya know, most first babies are late, so don't get your hopes up that she'll come soon..." I agree with you totally; people say the dumbest things! Unfortunately as my late-in-pregnancy experiences have been, it doesn't seem to get any better!
ReplyDeleteBest of luck!
Wendy (friend of Ellen W.B. in Raleigh, NC)
Just found your blog. You have a beautiful family:) Congratulations on your pregnancy and also on your new baby boy. I have enjoyed reading your blog and hope to catch up soon. Have a great week. Many Blessings,
ReplyDeleteIt's ok. Ranting is good sometimes. Congrats!
ReplyDeleteCome see me.