Beyond Exhaustion

I might have miscalculated a few things that happen when you have a pretty severe emotional trauma go on in your life. I did not expect that the level of exhaustion to be this high with one day back at the office, but then again... it is MY office!

It took several deep breaths for me to walk in this morning... a round of tears while getting dressed...and of course my pacifier, Starbucks... but I did it.

I was there all of about an hour before the tears started up again. One of my coworkers came by trying to be sweet and supportive, but he just had this look of pity on his face... which proved to be WAY more than I could handle. I saw that look on everyone's face this morning, and I guess I will continue to see it until I've seen everyone in my life for the first time.

Not long after that, another coworker came in - and since she and I are on the same level - she filled me in on all the happenings of the office since I'd left. In three days - THREE DAYS - they managed to promote our Vice President to Senior VP & Chief Development Officer... hire a new Vice President to manage us.... AND my supervisor went out on medical leave herself. Basically all of this happened between Monday and Tuesday... but GEEZ!

With our major fundraiser happening tomorrow - as you can imagine - today was nonstop... but I can say that thanks to John, I was picked up at 4:30... he had me tell them on Monday when I decided when I'd go back to work that I couldn't work late tonight. He thought that working 8 hours was more than enough for me to be expected to endure... and he was right that I couldn't have handled any more.

Tomorrow will be spent at the hotel entirely - but hopefully I'll get some pictures to share with you like I did last year... the food is usually incredible... and you know how I love food! The dessert last year with the gold flakes on it was to die for... so I can't wait to see what they came up with for this year.

Overall, it could have been worse... but it wasn't easy. I did manage to get my card/note for Ashlie in the mail to our adoption agency today - and I felt good about that. One thing that I can hold my head high about is the fact that through all of this - I have not once gotten angry directly at Ashlie or the birth father... and really have mourned the loss of having her as a part of our family every bit as much as the baby.

Last night, one special friend of mine - who used to be an English teacher sent me this... after it snowed in Houston for the second time this year... but it was very special... so I thought I'd share:

Ok- symbolism from an English teacher: It is snowing on your anniversary( In Texas!) Snow always symbolizes the laying down of something fresh and pure. God may be saying ok- start over from here- take a fresh start and the blessings will soon come! God is in control and has many ways of speaking to us. What a blessing- snow on your anniversary! Definite blessings in your marriage and family in 2010!