As I return to the office from yet another trip to the reproductive endocrinologist's office (Dr. Mac as we affectionately call him) I find myself completely overwhelmed with this journey... and the depth of the complications.
Some days, it is just too much to bear... the load seems too great. In my mind, I know that God has a plan for us and that in his time we will be the parents that we so greatly desire to be. The problem is that my emotional side... doesn't get it.
The longer I am stuck taking these shots, the worse I feel... which quickly spirals me into some dark places emotionally. I've kept it in check this month more than I have in the past... but today the load seems to heavy to carry. The injustice too great.
You see, we're not even like normal couples going through fertility treatments - because we've never crossed the finish line with these cycles... we just get barely close enough... and then the rug gets pulled out from under us and our cycle gets cancelled.
Is it too much to ask to be able to experience the 2ww (2 week wait)? I mean just getting that far into the cycle would be some great progress for us!
I guess I just come to you guys today feeling very burdened, broken, and frustrated. I don't have any news from my blood work - maybe sometime this evening we'll have that... but the whole thing is just incredibly maddening.
Oh how I know what you feel. It's so hard. We're going though it too & I'm just emotionally drained from all of it.
ReplyDeleteGood luck through your process.
Kim, I didn't have to do as much TTC and so I admit some of this is confusing. Some of these updates, I am not sure if they are good news or bad news (others are obvious).
ReplyDeleteI so wish I could give you the magical formula but all I have to offer is prayer. And I am praying.
I'm sorry to hear that things continue to cause you frustration. There is nothing worse then being in the "holding pattern" and just waiting to move forward. At least then you feel like you are doing something! I pray that they would find some answers and be able to move you through and get you to your BFP!
ReplyDeleteHey- Do you need any progesterone..I gave a vial to a friend who didn't use it. She said she also has some endometrium and prog. suppos. if you are usuing any of that, I will have her send it your way.
ReplyDelete