Extremes

This morning we had our first appointment since starting the shots last Friday. The scan went really well, and we saw 5 follicles. Two of them were on the right side, measuring roughly 5mm. Three of them were on the left side, measuring roughly 7mm. Judging by the ultrasound alone, we were tracking great - and all was well.

Then comes the blood work. Let me start off by saying that it's clear that I've got some serious problems with my hormone levels. SERIOUS. If you remember, when we met with the doctor - we talked at length about this issue... and the possibilities. There was a combination of drugs that we could have tried, but the doctor didn't think it was necessary yet... then there was also the possibility of testing my testosterone during the cycle and if it hadn't reached the upper limit - there was a medication that I could take to stop it right where the level was... and we could continue with the cycle.

Now, having had this discussion at length - just a few weeks ago... WHY on earth did I have to fight them to even test my testosterone level today?! I mean seriously... they looked at me like I was crazy... and I'm so glad that I fought them.

There were a myriad of reasons based on the number of follicles that could cause the cycle to be cancelled... but we'd crossed that hurdle this morning... so I was feeling GREAT. A pretty good emotional high point - actually.

That lasted until about 4:15 when the doctor's office called with my blood work results. My estrogen level is extremely low... which means that the follicles aren't on track to grow. My testosterone level is 44... it needs to be under 40 for you to be able to ovulate. This level is after only being off of my birth control pills for 9 days. (NINE!)

My body is seriously jacked up... so they told me that we are "wasting medicine" at this point and that I need to start back on the birth control pill tonight. So much for my 5 little "maybe babies."

The new protocol for now is that I will be back on the pill for 2 weeks. During that time they've ordered me 2 weeks worth of Lupron. (Lupron is a man-made form of a hormone that regulates many processes in the body. Leuprolide overstimulates the body's own production of certain hormones, which causes that production to shut down temporarily.)

I will start the Lupron several days before I start taking the follicle stimulation drugs... and will continue with the Lupron during the remainder of the cycle. They will also up the dosage on the Gonal-f (stimulation medication) because the Lupron will prevent me from making any of my own follicle stimulating hormones. But it will shut off my testosterone completely.

I think the biggest shocker here is that this is the EXACT protocol that we discussed with the doctor, and were leaning toward going forward with. The thing that talked us out of it at the time was that the doctor quoted that it would be another $500 for that medication. So the doctor didn't want us to spend the extra money on that drug if we didn't need it.

As it turns out, the 2 week supply of Lupron costs $130! OMG... we would have TOTALLY done that this time around if we had known.

So needless to say, tonight... I am broken, angry, upset, sad, and generally crushed. I don't know what I am more angry about - the cancellation, going against my gut feeling on the Lupron, or the lack of answer to all the prayers that have been said for us. My head tells me that I'm being irrational, but for right now - I need to ride the wave of emotions for a day or two.

I know that God's timing is perfect... but for today, I need to mourn that his timing isn't this cycle.