Today on Works for Me Wednesday we are going backwards - which means instead of me telling you what works for me... I get to ask you what works for you!So I wracked my brain over what advice I would love to hear from my readers... and well - with the overall theme of my interest and life right now - I came up with something that I thought would be brilliant.
I'd love to know from all of you - parents and non-parents... what is the one piece of advice that you would give someone that is hopefully about to start a family.
What do you wish someone would have told you before you started down that journey?
What do you feel you were completely not prepared for?
I'd love to hear from you all - so please leave me a comment with your tidbits of wisdom... I'll need all the help I can get!
Then go over to We are THAT Family and help out the other ladies participating in this carnival... or if you choose - write your own post for people to help you out with something you've been pondering lately.
I would tell you that it is the GREATEST gift I've ever been given. It is the best gig I'll ever get. And it is the hardest job I'll ever have.
ReplyDeleteI would love to offer some advice, but well...I'm in your boat! :-)
ReplyDeleteAbout a week before our first son was born it dawned on me - I had only read about being pregnant! I didn't know anything about being a mommy! Sounds stupid now, but it's true. I guess I figured it out enough though because he's still 8 years old and pretty great if I do say so. ;)
ReplyDeleteI wish I had known more about things like craigslist, ebay, and second hand stores. There's just not a whole lot you should have to buy new anymore.
I also wish I had hooked up with a group like MOPS much sooner. Friends with little ones who are going through the same stuff you are is SO important!
Lastly, I wish I had known about Baby Einstein movies sooner. They're great.
Four kids later, there's a ton of stuff I wish I had known sooner, but that's off the top of my head.
Kids are so, so wonderful. More are better than less! =)
Best advice I can give is start out like you intend to continue. When you bring baby home be noisy (vacuum during naps, ect) or you'll always be tiptoeing around.
ReplyDeleteThis advice goes with husbands too. If you want him to be active in the care of your baby, start out that way. I had the mentality that I was the stay at home mom and he worked so hard so I took ALL the feedings and well, basically everything. BIG mistake. Now he's less involved and sort of inept..ha ha ha.
And if you get morning sickness try red grapes.
Oh and read Baby Wise! Best. Book. Ever.
Take in ALL the offered advice with a smile and then do things your way :D
ReplyDeleteMore advice means more information and then YOU can make a better informed choice.
Here's what I would say:
ReplyDelete1) Always go with your gut instinct. A mother knows best no matter what a doctor, a teacher, a grandparent, say.
2) Expect it to be HARD. Parenting is by far the most difficult thing I have ever done. Yes, kids are wonderful, and yes, they are blessings, but I think too many people forget to tell people how hard it is and how it's ok to feel that way when the time comes.
3) Remember that kids need parents, not friends.
These are probably the most important things I have learned so far!
If I had it all to do again I woul dlive closer to family. We live quite a ways from any family, and it would have made things easier, not to mention every vacation we take is to visit family, and I think we need a new-fun vacation.
ReplyDeleteBest of luck to you.
www.ScribbleInkCafe.com
Interestingly, I went against the rules today and just posted what I had planned...10 Parenting Tips. They are great and doable. Check them out at:
ReplyDeletehandbagsandsuch.blogspot.com
Hi Kim,
ReplyDeleteThanks for visiting my site and commenting on bringing in traffic. I really appreciate it. So far, it's been recommended twice to participate in the 31 Days to A Better Blog series: www.problogger.com.
As for parenting advise, I don't have kids but one day I might have some. I adored being home schooled. So my advise it to be open to finding the type of schooling that best fits you and your future kiddos.
take care,
The biggest thing I didn't understand before I had a baby was that my life was going to change- drastically!!! I know everyone tells you a baby changes everything, and I knew that, but I was not prepared for the reality of being the mommy of a newborn 24/7. It is a thousand times different with your own child than it is caring for someone elses (something I had a lot of experience with). BUT- as negative as that sounds, it has been an amazing experience and I love being a mommy!
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you asked, because after my cousin asked me this question, I put my lengthy answer on my Website! Just click on my name.
ReplyDeleteI also want to say, I waited two years for my partner to be ready for parenthood after I felt ready, and then it took us almost two more years to get pregnant...and while the waiting was hard, that time was a gift! I did gobs of reading about birth and parenting, talking with my partner about how he wanted to do things, and talking with my parents about what they did with me and why. When I finally became a mom, I felt so prepared! And I really haven't changed my mind about many things. I hope you'll have the same experience.
Everyone tells you about all the difficulties and hardships -- you'll never have sex again, you'll never sleep again, etc... but I was unprepared for the amazing explosion of love in the house and between me and my husband. And it only got better with child #2 -- I foolishly thought "how could I ever love another baby like I love my first?" Silly me. My first was an easy baby and #2 is a pistol but the love for them both is immense.
ReplyDeleteBut the biggest lesson for me from having kids is that you'll never again get something for nothing. In other words, you have to ACTIVELY plan for time alone with your husband, ACTIVELY work to get your littles on a schedule that allows you to have predictable (or usually so) time to exercise and recharge or nap. ACTIVELY order yourself so that you don't waste 5 precious minutes with a snooze alarm that you could use wisely to prevent an hour's delay later (like packing a diaper bag the night before or throwing dinner in the crockpot). As someone who pre-kids could sort of wing it with nearly everything, I had to have some come-to-Jesus moments (literally) about self-discipline.
Oh, and do NOT do what we did and spend thousands of dollars on a pricey primo crib and baby furniture (oh yes we did!). That crib will disappear soon (even if you have more kids) and frankly, you'll be sick of it way before then. The high-end glider will be covered in spitup stains (or worse).
I did do something smart: I bought a ton of gorgeous high-end decorator kid fabric on ebay and paid a friend to make me a crib set and a large shade for the baby's room. It turned out just lovely!
One last thing: I think it's a terrible shame that an entire generation of women (and men, but who are we kidding -- we're more equipped in the domestic department) has been trained to work outside the home but not take care of what's inside very well. I'd gladly give up my high SATs and graduate school experience for time spent learning how to create a lovely home and build my family.
I didnt read the other comments, so I hope I dont repeat anything. I'm just now getting around to visiting blogs from last weeks WFMW.
ReplyDeleteMy biggest/best piece of advice is do what feels right to you. If the books say you should do it and it's all the parenting rage, but you are crying cause it doesnt feel right to do this...it isn't. So stop! Do what feels right.
And along with that, have your husband on board. Whatever you decide make sure he agrees, because NO MATTER WHAT he will always be there to defent that choice. If you discuss it with him, and he's in, any time someone asks why are you...he will say why. It's amazing how our husbands just start defending our choices.
Here are some things where knowing what feels right matters:
letting your baby cry it out VS. co sleeping
breast vs bottle
soothing objects (swings, etc) vs baby wearing
epidurals vs natural birth
in my case having the baby at home vs the hospital.
GO with what feels right...and DONT LET ANYONE convince you that you are wrong.